Match.ThriftStore

I do not frequent dating sites, my husband frowns on that for some reason.

But I do have friends who have gone the Match.com and E Harmony route, some with good results - and some who have asked me to slap them silly if they ever think about going on them again.

As I was wandering through the thrift store the other day, I saw some interesting characters on the shelves and wondered what their Match.com profiles would say (I've learned not to question these thoughts, I just go with them).

Hello, my name's Helga. I love long walks in the woods, usually with a pail in each hand. My favorite hobbies are home brew beer making and carving wooden shoes from tree stumps. 

If you've been looking for a blond who can bench press your weight, look no further!

Well hello there, my name is Elmer and I'm into golf and Prozac. My friends say I look like a sad Snoopy, but I don't see it. If you are looking for someone to worry with, or just share some casual anxiety, message me. 

Hey there, my name is Mable Stinkeyes. I like sunsets and butterflys, blue bonnets and red lipstick. I'm looking for a man who's partial to pale, roundly-shaped gals.

Namaste, my name is Ralph and I'm into yoga, inner-peace and Sanskrit. I've been told my best features are my plush eyebrows, permanent five o'clock shadow and awesome nipples.

Hey, I'm Red. I can tell already you're going to disappoint me.

Hi, my name's Matilda and my passions are brushing my tooth, riding my broom during a full moon and turning people who annoy me into toads. If you'd like me to cast a love spell on you, message me ;-)

What'sup? My name is Tracy and I like to cut my own hair and am super-interested in anything that is to the right-side of me.

Hey, I'm Marie and I have awesome green eyes, a killer pout and I love hats.

I hope you like my head shot...that's really all I've got.

May your Labor Day weekend be filled much with love and laughter...and a little silliness.